I played the oboe for over 20 years, some of that time as a professional
earning my living through symphonic and chamber music work. I never thought
too much about why I played. It was something I was good at, so I did it.
Mid-life, I started playing the harp. During the first six months of playing
harp, my grandmother became terminally ill with cancer. She asked for me to
play the harp at her bedside. This was the first time I ever really played
harp for anybody, so I felt quite inadequate. Much to my surprise, it brought
great comfort and joy not only to her, but to my family as we worked together
to care for my grandmother. I was overwhelmed with this entire new dimension
to music. For the very first time, the musical communication and the
non-verbal touching was paramount, and the technical stuff was completely
unimportant. I finally understood that one reason to play music was because it
could be a gift to other people.
As I get better technically on the harp, I'm trying not to lose the concept of
music as non-verbal touching.
I don't fully understand why I have never had this feeling with oboe. I think
maybe because oboe isn't something you can really perform by itself, and also
because music conservatory overemphasizes the technical compared to the
artistic. Even the concept of being an "artist" seems off - - - as if you are
producing something for others from this high pedestal of rarefied artistic
sensitivity, rather than simply sharing part of yourself with someone else.
Diana
(diana _gumas@mail.mei.com)